The end is coming. The 25th of June is only two days away. Could everything be over in two days?
I heard from one source the investigation was expected to be tied up in June. June is almost over meaning the investigation is almost over or that it is going on longer than originally expected.
I made a decision in relation to Hector some time ago. Caring about someone means putting them before yourself right? When the investigation is over I expect Hector is just going to go back to his life and it would probably be the last I see of him. Certain things I have seen combined with what he has said to me directly make me think he is not the type to take time to stay in touch. I can accept that. I have friends but how much effort do I make to stay in touch?
For the same reason I think I am pretty same posting on here because besides the main boards and checking email I don't think Hector spends much time checking other sources like Facebook or Twitter or Myspace. My blog would be very low down on the list.
I think that the kindest think that I can do for Hector is when the time comes to let him walk away without kicking up a fuss or otherwise doing anything to make him feel guilty about it.
If I made him feel guilty he might choose to stay in touch without really wanting to out of a kind of sense of obligation. Otherwise he would not but would feel guilty on some level about it. Far better then just to play it that I am not bothered about about our going our separate ways. Then he can walk away guilt free. I feel that this is what he would want.
How about me? I can give myself logical reasons why I should not care. I don't know Hector that well. This means there is a real chance that what I have become attached to isn't real. You can't have a friendship with someone or something which does not exist. This is only logical. I have lots of other friends too as no doubt he does too. Why does some random friend a long way away whom I don't know that well matter when I have many others closer. Do I really think he would care? I mean even overlooking my being so far away, I am not even all that interesting.
Who am I kidding? I tell myself these things. They are certainly logical. I know full well it is going to hurt when it is all over. That said I just have to accept what is coming. When I was serving on a mission how many people did I become dear and close friends with only to say goodbye to them and never see them again. Such is the world of a single guy. All you have is your friends but friends come and go. People move and circumstances change. I have learned just to deal with it because of having to go through it so much. Does this mean I don't care? I think I do what I do because I care too much.
With Hector my interest has been piqued. I know enough to make me interested in knowing more. I know logically if I knew him completely there is a chance I would not like him as much. I think chances are I will never know.
It is as well that chances are Hector is not going to know. I think he is better off not knowing. I just put on a brave face and everyone will be happy. Stick with the plan. You made a choice. Choose to act....choose to act Carl.
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